Converting your partner to Foodism

If you live to eat, but your partner only eats to live, how do you live together?

If you’re religious, you wouldn’t want to be married to the anti-Christ. But all too often fervent foodies end up with the anti-Foodie. That’s right, the anti-Foodie. We’ve all met one.

They don’t like to cook, and they don’t like to shop. They don’t know the difference between a jar of supermarket pasta sauce and the sauce masterpiece you spent hours preparing from the freshest ingredients available to man. These are the fiends who get excited about Macca’s or KFC for dinner. When you gush to them about your burning desire to eat at Becasse they may be smiling, but you know in your heart that it’s probably because they are dreaming about KFC’s new Double Down Burger – where the bun is replaced by two fried chicken fillets and the only thing between your greasy hands and the monstrosity is some paper tissue. Personally I say forget the paper tissue, they should just give you a paper bag to put over your head while you eat it.

So what happens when cupid’s twisted arrow points you in the direction of an anti-Foodie and you find yourself subjected to an eternity of mealtimes with these culinary cretins? I am one of these poor souls.

There are only two ways to approach this particular situation. The first is to try to change them (I wonder how that turns out?), and the second is to see the benefits.

1. Conversion to Foodism

Relationships are a minefield of manipulation. Much like training a pet, I have found myself using the carrot and stick method to mould my partner’s behaviour (don’t judge me). It starts with baby steps. Broaden their palate. Take them to different foreign restaurants all over town. When you are at a restaurant and they order the least imaginative item on the menu, let them taste some of yours. Congratulate them when they find the taste agreeable. They may soon realise that the less conventional items which you order are often tastier than their own. Cook exotic meals at home and then ask them 20 times what they thought of it. Utilise puppy-dog eyes to combat ambivalent reactions. Another method is inundation. Rave constantly about food-related topics in the hope that your enthusiasm may rub off on them. This method is ill-advised.

2. Seeing the Benefits

Being obsessed with food has its drawbacks. Preparing a simple meal can be a challenge for those who see a list of ingredients on a recipe like a list of credentials – the longer the better. Throwing caution to the wind and enjoying fast food can also be liberating. But maybe the biggest benefit of their primitive palate is their low standards. It doesn’t matter what you cook, they’re probably going to like it. A five-minute omelette on Sunday morning can be met with surprising enthusiasm from someone who doesn’t know any better. Plus I think if my partner was as food obsessed as I am, I might grow to the size where I would need a forklift to get out of bed every day.

And then one day when you’ve stopped trying to change them or educate them, a miracle occurs. You come home from work, and they’ve roasted a glorious chicken. All by themselves. And they stand there in the kitchen like the cat that got the canary.

I guarantee you that this chicken will taste better than anything you can eat at Becasse. For it is the Chicken of Victory. Hallelujah.

By Lena Hattom

Photo: Flickr